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December 27, 2019 1:50 am / 5 Comments on SUICIDE
WHEN HOPE DIES
So Sad it Sucks
Suicide is the easy way out. Suicide is cowardice. That was my view until I rammed onto my own wall of problems, problems, and problems of this unfair world.
I felt no pain at point of impact. I had already long been a dead man walking. I saw pieces of my soul getting strewn everywhere I looked. Bloody silhouette on the wall portrayed a spread-eagled human body shape. Unpalatable sight. The wall had sucked much of my spirit. My strength was gone.
The fall was as fast as it was unpredictable. I had once been king of the skies buoyed by winds of success in the form of the dollar sign.
“The bottom line is the dollar sign!” sang South Bronx in 1982. Two decades later I had leapt from the bottom line to high up in the sky.
Sky is the limit. It’s a common saying. The dollar sign knows no limits in the sky. Elon Musk will tell you that. Maybe. Try Richard Branson too. But then again, the dollar sign and its numbers are written on paper. Paper burns to ashes when fire rages. Sky holds no ash. Trash. That’s how we fall. When this happens, gravity becomes our worst enemy. We can’t beat the force. For we are not peregrine falcons we can only spread our limbs. Close our eyes. Hope for a few seconds to project our last prayers to God before we embrace the first wall to receive us, if not the ground itself. Welcome back down to earth with a plash. Instant death sealed if it’s not your lucky day.
They shall make another dollar sign note. The bottom line is that the dollar sign is forever. For now, anyway. In the digital space they call it cryptocurrency these days. I do want to live forever, but I’m only human. I survived my fall. Miraculous. Today I’m with my feet on the ground below the dollar sign bottom line. I’m in sync with the grassroots. I can hear my heart beat. I feel life everywhere. My soul is together again.
Perhaps it is because, despite its timing and speed, I had in fact had a hunch of the fall coming. I had seen some men and women fall around me before. I had rescued a few in my job. I knew, I know the signs therefore. I knew that if I did not take a time out, eternal darkness would be my destination. In the realm of eternal darkness, everything of the unthinkable, everything of the anti-life is possible. Once people have fallen into this abyss, there is no turning back. More often than not.
Fortunately I am a child of the light. I’ve never been inclined to be drawn towards the direction of eternal darkness. Temptations abound, with or without dollar sign opulent existence. These temptations come forth in variable manifestations, but eternal darkness is a constant. I understood that if ever I got to succumb to temptation, I’d ultimately find myself knocking on the door to eternal darkness. Therefore, I zeroed myself out from conventional social routines. I had acknowledged my lack of passion for the latter after my fall had sapped nearly all of my desire to live and love.
Somewhere in my growing up years, I had learned that there was no dishonour in accepting defeat and all that it entails at the personal and material levels. If I got the chance to wait for as long as it was necessary, I would regain my strength and passion for living again. I went into hibernation. For five years and three months I faced isolation, my frustrations, my bitterness, my fears, my inadequacies, my nightmares, and my hopes head-on. In time, my reflections on hope as a concept and process rekindled my life light.
Despite everything else, my hope that everything would be alright someday was steadfast. I reckon that this effectively dissuaded me from seeking to enter into the path towards the realm of eternal darkness. I felt a strange warmth and respect towards suicide. Finally, it all made sense to me. And I began to write books. The books have driven me to visit the deepest recesses of my being as a private soul, and as a social entity. I obsoleted my demons. I know myself better. I understand my world better. I have found inner peace. Life is a joy. Pure joy.
Suicide feeds on the state of emotional desperation of everyone equally. Hope is a constant human attribute that conditions behaviour towards achievement of certain values or states of being. All things remaining equal, happiness is derived from different experiences from person to person because human beings are born ever so different from one another. People also rightly define what happiness is owing to who they are vis-à-vis their respective stations in life. However, once attained, the feeling of happiness as a human emotion is a planetary constant.
In the same vein, people shall as individuals or collectives hope to attain a myriad of desirable ends in their lives. They’ll be variably motivated to actively work in as innumerable ways towards the achievement of these goals. Success is the reward for keeping the dream alive, driven by hope and faith during the process of overcoming eventual obstacles encountered along the way. Success then ignites the auto neurological response manifest through various ways of expressing the constant of happiness. Like a rose, happiness is happiness by any other name.
In the extreme, regardless of the goal or the dreamer, failure to achieve can lead to one common denominator that is also a constant across the board: desperation. Desperation is a recipe for depression. Depression is a rough surface, unlit downhill express tunnel highway into the realm of eternal darkness. If the mind still works positively somehow, and if even a minute glimmer of hope still exists at this stage, the afflicted might ask just one last question: “What am I living for?”
I know – I’ve been there, done that.
I do not speak for religious and other convictions. Neither do I speak for wanton social deviants, psychopaths, when I postulate that suicide is the respectable way out when people have come to the conclusion that they have nothing left to live for; when they have concluded that their lives have no worth or meaning to anybody, when they are caught up in the maze of helplessness against deceit and cold-heartedness of fellow humans. How many times have we in anger, or outright malice, said to one another something like, “You are useless. You are fuck all. You mean nothing to me. Get out of my life. Go hang, loser!”?
Human nature is complex. That complexity directly translates itself in the complex nature of human relations. That said, I believe that much as I am responsible for my own happiness, I am as responsible to help to make other people find and sustain their own happiness. The overriding assumption being that I am allowed the privilege to give and to assist whenever necessary. Happiness does not occur in a vacuum. It is also imperative that we allow one another to make mistakes, correct them, repent, and forgive*. Just as it is of absolute importance to show humility in the face of our sins and errors of judgement as we all go about each the routes and obligations of our respective journeys of life.
Given the adventures that the routes of my life’s journey have exposed me to so far, I have developed profound but non-attached love for the vast majority of people I have had anything to do with in all the human survival and growth endeavours that I still go through. I am a humble and grateful recipient of much love from all these people too. This grand love is the reason for my living.
All categories of love considered, my love for people is non-attached to the extent that I could never impose my love on anybody that does not want my love. Neither could I ever beg, nor long for non-forthcoming love from anybody that despises me. In my world, love is a voluntary, spontaneous two-way traffic. It’s either it works, or it doesn’t. Love is not an entitlement. Love is a desirable, not an imperative.
Love is discerning. So is its redemptive power. Unconditional love is for children; it is for the sick, the weak, and the vulnerable. Love becomes an imperative only when it comes to the self. The greatest love of all is the love of the self. Should I ever feel devoid of self-love one day, I might as well be dead.
On Wednesday, December 18, 2019, I lost my youngest cousin in South Africa to suicide. Exactly one week later, Christmas Day, Wednesday, December 25, 2019, all-Norway’s Ari Behn followed suit. Beloved South African activist friends in Johannesburg, Sipho Singwisa and Gillian Schutte had already begun to grieve since their only child and son met his demise likewise on Sunday, December 01. 2019. I am Sad as Hell for sure. My deepfelt condolences to the bereaved parents, their broader families, friends, and fans in South Africa and Norway.
Who feels it knows it. I find comfort and lasting hope in that I have reason to believe that I have an idea as to the magnitude of the battles the three dearly departed had to put up against their respective demons along the way into the realm of eternal darkness. No weaknesses here. No cowardice. No stupidity. No selfishness. No eccentricity. No madness. Only insurmountable troubles of being human having crushed spirit and hope foundations of a man’s existential premises: Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Nobody knows … my sorrow.
In the end, we are all ever so vulnerable against forces that make us breathe. When it’s over and done with, it’s not in the act, but in compassion we want to dwell upon; it’s in the enshrinement of dignity of our humanity in our hearts. It could happen to anyone of us. Anytime. May the souls of Kagiso, Ari, and Kai rest in eternal peace. My thoughts also go to the numerous others whose fall into the suicide trap have gone unnoticed the world over, as well as those that suicide beckons and shall consume in obscurity today, tomorrow and beyond.
DECEMBER 26, 2019
*As a rule, I don’t do forgiveness for free – Ask and ye shall be (for-)given!
38 YEARS AN EXILE: XXVI
July 24, 2015 1:02 am / 1 Comment on 38 YEARS AN EXILE: XXVI
HOME AT LAST! Part 26
Schooling in the Diaspora – Kamwala Secondary School
1975 was the longest year. My first calendar year in Zambia was nine months long, which felt like time barely existed, with no beginning I recalled being part of, no end, and no direction in sight. Time was an idea just there to relate to indifferently.
The three months on the rails and road it took my family and me to get to Zambia from South Africa had bruised my sense of reality, presenting life’s challenges in a totally new way, and intensity. My family relations internal dynamics changed in ways that many mistakes made along the way have never been repairable.
New things learnt we each processed and integrated each in our own individual lives, each in our own unique personal ways. I often like to think that the extremely high senses of individuality and independence my two siblings and I will exhibit in critical choice times and situations, were consolidated during this time … (Continued in the book: “MACHONA AWAKENING – home in grey matter”. Order book on Amazon here).
July 23, 2015
38 YEARS AN EXILE: XIV
January 21, 2015 6:09 pm / 1 Comment on 38 YEARS AN EXILE: XIV
HOME AT LAST! Part 14
The worst thing any Diasporants can carry with them in their luggage is the superiority complex attitude, as manifest through racial, religious, and cultural arrogance from their lands of origin. More so if it is, in the first place, racial, religious, and cultural persecutions they have ran away from. We put what we put in each our own different luggage when time to say goodbye has arrived. But not all will be useful when we get to our final, often chance, destinations with promises of a brighter future. Sometimes not even a single item in the luggage will be useful at all. Herein lies the difference between winner and loser Diasporants in time … (Continued in the book: “MACHONA AWAKENING – home in grey matter”. Order book on Amazon).
Tel.: +47 92525032
January 21, 2015
38 YEARS AN EXILE: XIII
December 23, 2014 12:06 am / 1 Comment on 38 YEARS AN EXILE: XIII
HOME AT LAST! Part 13
By its very nature, life is, and has to be hard. Life is by design brutal and short. The world is an ugly place to be. It is an inherent feature of the world that evil forces will prevail everywhere, relatively more in specific areas of the world than others, in different epochs.
The brain is by default and function, the antithesis of all that is abhorrent by way of human behaviour, as well as state of the world and being. The brain will, by inclination, gravitate towards all that is good and beautiful.
All things remaining equal, a normally functioning and cultured brain will, as a spontaneous process, seek to create and sustain beauty and well-being against all that is anti-life, all that is anti everything that is beautiful, uplifting, and life supporting.
The brain will defy pain and death in pursuit of freedom in the name of beauty and happiness, including the right to enhance the development of these … (Continued in the book: “MACHONA AWAKENING – home in grey matter”. Order book on Amazon).
December 20, 2014
38 YEARS AN EXILE: V
April 29, 2014 1:57 pm / Leave a comment
HOME AT LAST! Part 5
Hold head high. Play Love & Compassion Sharing Games®
When life gives you the hardest knock at any level, at any stage, and you survive, your needs and wants are reduced to the most basic in order to live from day to day. Other than the most obvious, food, water, and shelter, when life has punished us real bad, we don’t need much more than love, compassion, and understanding from those around us. Above all, what we all want is to maintain our self-esteem … (Continued in the book: “MACHONA AWAKENING – home in grey matter”. Order book on Amazon ).
April 29, 2014
WALOBA AWARD 2013
May 8, 2013 12:23 am / 1 Comment on WALOBA AWARD 2013
In memory of my father, Mr Elias Lazarus Waloba Chilembo, I have, under the auspices of my Chilembo Warrior Moves, introduced a special award to recognize outstanding men who in their own unique ways contribute to making this a better world to live for all. Most importantly, these men will be a direct part of my life in things I do and stand for. These men will be sources of inspiration and strength who in their own special ways help me be a better person today than I was yesterday; they will be my teachers, my mentors, my guardian angels, my advisors, my guides, my motivators, my coaches, my brothers, my friends, my family. This is a very personal award, a very personal journey. The recipients will receive a signed diploma as a token of appreciation.
The third recipient of the award (Saturday, April 27, 2013; Oslo, Norway) is Daniel Sønstevold, Ni (2nd) Dan Black Belt, for UNDERSTANDING intricacies of power, leadership, and diplomacy. Despite his young age, Daniel is already a most significant beacon of big-hearted devotion, dedication, loyalty, tolerance, determination, empathy, passion, generousity, compassion, strength, energy, vitality, endurance, resilience, and vision of the future today. I’m proud of, and I feel truly privileged to have Daniel as a part of my life in Norway. The man is Big in South Africa, Big in Japan. I sure want to be like him when I grow up.
On the verge of dying, after a long series of various Ni (2nd) Dan Black Belt grading exercises and routines, Daniel demonstrates a special ability to keep it together, focus, and deliver with dignity and honour, as he goes through his kata; December, 2010, Nesodden:
Tel.: +47 97000466/ +27 717454115 (South Africa)
Mai 08, 2013
SECRET OF PERSONAL SUCCESS: Don’t care about people?
December 9, 2012 2:08 am / 1 Comment on SECRET OF PERSONAL SUCCESS: Don’t care about people?
If you are normal, and you want to be successful and happy (it’s okay to be not normal and still want to be successful and happy; if you don’t want to be successful and happy because you really don’t care, just pretend you do want to be successful and happy anyway) do the following (if you don’t want to do the following, pretend it’s a cool thing to do and just do it anyway):
- Be yourself (you can also be someone else if that’s what you’d rather do because it’s cool, and it works for you).
- Be where you are (if you don’t like where you are, find a new place to be; if you can’t find a new place to be you like, pretend you like where you are and be there).
- Do what you do (if you do not like what you do, find something else you like to do; if you cannot find something else you like to do, pretend you like what you do because it’s so cool after all).
- Be honest to all the above. It’s also okay to be dishonest to all of the above if it’s the honest and cool thing to do.
- Be the best you can be in all the defining things you do. If you can’t be the best because it doesn’t matter or because the going is tough, just believe you are the best because you believe it’s cool to be the best even if you don’t want to be.
- Don’t care about people! Just serve them well and good all the time.
– People are not stupid, even if some like to pretend to be clever in order to be stupid.
– Normal people know what’s good and what’s bad. Not normal people also know the difference. People normally like and approve of things and people that are good to them, people and things who add value to their lives.
– If you are good to people, and you serve them well, they will share the happiness you give them with you; they will make you successful. So,
- Be nice to people. If only simply because it’s cool to be nice, and it’s nice to be nice. Your relative degrees of personal success and happiness are a measure of how well or not well you interact with people in your serving endeavours, both in general and specific terms.
Tel.: +47 97000488/ +27 717454115
October 08, 2012